Nov 7, 2007

The Car Go Cult

In my dreams

When I was a teenager, all I really wanted were 18" guns and a Ferrari - a 246 Dino to be exact, which isn't even a "real" Ferrari, but to me, it was absolutely gorgeous. I was in lust with that car from the moment I saw it (and as fate/genes would have it, I never got the 18" arms either).

I admit I've been suckered into the great Car Go Cult along with the rest of the world, though I don't totally blame the corporations. It IS better to ride than to walk. What got me started on this jag was the Transformers movie, and how the robots/Titans were cars (vessels, cups, grails). But they were like, sentient cars.

I think about Disney's Herbie, and Ian Flemming's Chitty Chitty Bang Bang, and the talking Chevron Oil cars and KITT the talking Trans Am in Knight Rider, and the Disney/Pixar movie - Cars. And how Harry Potter and crew escape from muggle land in a flying, sentient car.

And of course, the Batmobile, and even the Popemobile. The Great Auto Fetish is kinda boggling my mind right now. If aliens were to examine the cultural record, they would be hard pressed to determine which was the dominant species on earth - the automobile, or homo sapiens. We have literally terra-formed the planet to accommodate them, destroying our own ecosystem to favor theirs. And why? Because we love them. We fucking love our cars.

And now, even the Brothers Wachowski are getting into the act, with Speed Racer - the Movie.

Like a virgin...

The photo is via I Watch Stuff, and the comments speak for themselves:

"There was absolutely no way they could screw this up. Any addition to this car would have been blasphemy."

"Must. Suppress. Fanboy-erection."

"If and when this car goes up for auction, I swear I will defraud the Swedish bank system if I have to, I will bid on it."

"Speed is a pansy. The badass one is Rex (Racer-X), his older brother. And his #9 car is the ultimate ass kicker."

"Matrix guys make a speed-racer movie. Hmmmm.... is this going to be good or not?"

Is this going to be good, or not?


Dynamitrios said...

"Car-love", eh?
To me they are merely a tool and nothing that should be worshipped. We rape the planet and its natural ressources to build and move these things, and now (*sarcasm* because we love nature so much *sarcasm*)we start using our food and the food of third world countries to make "bio-fuel" so our asses can get even fatter while driving to the 50 meter distant supermarket to pay super high prices for groceries, that now only rich people can afford, due to the fact that we use food for fuel. What the fuck? Do we love cars more than our own well beeing and the well beeing of others? Materialism is not something that can last very long, because matter decays. Spirit on the other hand, stays forever (or at least veeery long time)

FilmNoir23 said...

Was never much into cars myself, mainly because much like houses the cost always seemed out of reach (I've never owned a new car). However, I am VERY dependent on my car and so I know exactly where you are coming from...They provide a wonderous sense of freedom, and yet they do nothing but oppress us. Top notch as always Michael.

Adam Star said...

Lest we not forget Stephen King's "Christine", that Plymouth Fury was a real bitch. Or his movie "Maximum Overdrive" with the 18-wheeler with the face of the Green Goblin. And how about My Mother The Car? Am I the only one creeped out by the cartoon "Cars"? I like Pixar, but something about a world of cars without people disturbs me. It's like a happy version of the machine-run Terminator future. Or the Matrix. Or The X-Men Days of Future Past.

In Neil Gaiman's novel "American Gods" he envisions pagan-like deities for the predominant aspects of American culture. The Car Pantheon is said to have received more blood sacrifices then even the gods of the Aztecs. Indeed.

Michael said...

D - Yes, exactly. Car culture is death culture, and yet it exists, and Americans will defend it to the death (of everyone else). It's not just insane, it's insanely insane.

F23 - I've only ever purchased one new car, and you should have seen it - the dealership made quit a ceremony of it - presenting me with the keys like it was a wedding ring, and then we drove off together, happily ever after. Very, very weird.

AS - too many car icons (gods) to even name -some good, some evil.

The car was supposed to free us, but when the master becomes dependent on the slave, then who really is the master? Easter Island seems an appropriate metaphor.

JB said...

I remember a Mad TV fake commercial in which a car company FINALLY made a car that you could actually have SEX with. The hood ornament would reveal a blurry vagina (I suppose), and they showed the happy car owner hump his ride. This would sell in real life I believe.

Oh, and btw Michael, I answered the San Francisco earthquake prediction question on my sight, in the comments section.

JM said...

(Wagging a finger...)
It's better to cycle than to ride or walk - and it's a great way to harden up those buttcheeks and thighs.

FilmNoir23 said...

That sounds like a "Saturn" ritual purchase Michael...I know they used to make a real big ceremony out of the whole thing.

Atlantean Times said...

sweet wheels alright..

I was thinking..even thorgh men would like to literally ride/shag their cars the reality of it is that it would be a rather uncomfortable experience the exhaust would be too hot and all metally and any designed orrifice just wouldnt seem right, but it seems to me the ladies are missing a trick if you know what i hard could it be to graft a dildo to the would certainly make the drive to work more fun...some guys might even be borrowing the special car for a trip to the shops

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