"I tell you the truth," Jesus answered, "this very night, before the rooster crows, you will disown me three times." --Matthew 26:34When I was a sexually repressed teenager I used to close my bedroom door and draw my own porn. That’s no doubt how my habit of right hand masturbation developed, because my left hand was always busy with the pencil. I’d eventually create a small private gallery of porn stashed under the bed, and I was happy enough with that most of the time, until I would throw them away in a fit of guilt, and then I’d start over.
The gallery wasn’t quite as private as I would have liked, because one day Chris, a friend of my younger brother was talking to me and he mentioned the drawings and how cool he thought they were! Jesus H. Christ! My own brother was snooping in my bedroom and showing his friends my secret jerk-off fantasies!
I, being the repressed teenager I was, of course denied it, and he kept asking me, even describing one of the drawings in detail! I had to keep denying it, pretending I had no idea what he was talking about. I probably denied my Lord three times. The drawing he described was of a young stud in a fishnet thong, his massive manhood brazenly displayed as if he were PROUD of it! In a way, this blog is my repentance. Peter is tired of starting over.
5 comments:
When I was a teen, I thought I was the only one who did such 'guilty' drawings- I had no idea so many famous painters drew porn, famous authors (e.g. Mark Twain) wrote porn, etc. "Somehow" it never got into the school books.
I really didn't have any reliable privacy as a teen, so after the drawing was done, I'd incorporate it into some sort of 'innocent' drawing- a car, boat, tree, etc., that nobody would be interested in looking at. But I knew which lines were which.
Nowadays I wonder about the psychological prop-wash of such incorporation. On my more paranoid days I wonder how many of the designs making up the semiosphere have exactly those incorporations, consciously or not. I suspect the percentage is huge... :-D
Hah! I did the same exact thing as a young, virginal, homosexual artist, drew my own homoerotic drawings, when I wuzz a teen, too. Highly imaginative, at turns weird, sci-fi, & mythological stuff. Today? I jus' started painting again, after a long spate of mural-sized collages. Day-em, Michael! Your timing is impeccable. You've just "Lent" a whole new meaning to Palm Sunday! Rock on, Michael. You're blogticles defy description. Thank you ~ (•8-D
John - what a provocative question!
Anadae - "Palm Sunday" ha! Don't tell anyone, but I'm considering attending Easter service at the local Catholic parish. I figure a thunderbolt will probably strike me when I enter the door.
Funnily enough? The wv for this is artaint. How's that for a God wink, Michael? Whoa. Art ain't s'posed to stay in your head. Additionally, you're goin' to Catholic church for Easter, ay? Yeah, my own late father was my own Sunday School teacher in 1st & 2nd grades at this affluent parish in Bronxville, NY. Nowadays? I'm jus' not into the whole Catholic Lite trappings of Episcopalianism anymore. But, hey, I get nostalgic sometimes, too. Watch this video gem, even though Geoff Erwin, its Maker, funs w/ you & sez not to right off the bat. Fun stuff to jump startcha for your own Resurrection. From your Year of the Rooster (vintage '57) bud, signing off w/ best wishes for your & Var's very own Rapture ~ Anadæ (•8-D
I was never much of an artist--but I remember visiting my older sister. In the room where I slept was her husband's stash of Playboy mags--and my sister's stash of Playgirl! Boy, did I love visiting my sister! They were pretty casual about it all, but of course I never said anything about my preference for men. My brother-in-law once made some comment about me looking at the Playboys--ha! If he only knew...
Post a Comment