Dec 22, 2009

Merry Fishmas

This Christmas is really turning into one to remember. Besides the gift of Varen’s new health to celebrate (the best present I ever got!) our neighbor (a fundamentalist Christian fisherman) gave us a gift of FISH for Christmas, which naturally had me writing “Thanks for all the fish!” on his Christmas card.

The dolphins leave their card

He gave us line-caught pelagic species from his latest deep sea fishing expedition: Yellow Fin Tuna (dolphin safe), Yellow Tail Amberjack (Which is NOT a TRUE tuna but is also known as the King Fish in Australian waters), and Mahi Mahi, which is Hawaiian for Dolphin Fish (not to be confused with the dolphin aquatic mammal) and interestingly the Spanish name is Dorado - gilded. Amber is also golden in hue.

Yellowfin Tuna

Dolphin fish, Mahi Mahi, Dorado

Yellowtail, Amberjack, King Fish

Which gives me a triple yellow/solar synch sitting frozen in my freezer right now, each with hilarious naming convolutions that echo the naming, misnaming and renaming of the mythical archetypes down through the ages. So naturally, that tingles my Spidy sense.

Amber is also the color of child abduction - the AMBER Alert. Funny how the siren looks like a yellow FISH tail.

Starbucks, the famously Seattle brand of coffee, uses twin-tailed Melusine in their logo, and mermaids are SIRENS - warning of danger. WTF? I’ve had synch warnings like this before, and I invariably completely misinterpret them, so not really keen on my gift of prophecy! But with or without dimly perceived fog horn warnings, the fish sign runs through mythology like a freight train - from Jesus’ “fisher’s of men” to the Merovingian Quinotaur and Fisher King, to the Dagon fish-gods... and everywhere in between. Even P.K. Dick, the Isaiah of our time, became literally conscious of VALIS via the SUN glinting off a Christian/Dagon FISH symbol!

Those pics are all pretty old hat, but my neighbor has this one in his front yard:

It's this big!

Speaking of inflatable Christmas lawn decorations, I just gotta say... proof of the nadir of American culture, ‘nuf said.

But check it out: We have Santa (the mushroom Avatar) on a green boat (or starship, if you prefer), which could be symbolic of Osiris' journey back from the Underworld, a cyclical event celebrated and anticipated via Winter Solstice feasts since before even the Egyptians, with Christmas being the modern example. On his journey he fishes (for men?), and the elves are measuring (judging) the catch! Almost like Jesus and Osiris judging the souls of the dead! But what exactly are they measuring? Some say righteousness, but I’d say that is a rather subjective word. What is “right” in the eyes of an elf?

Hermey (Hermes, Thoth - knowledge) the elf and his amanita mushroom resonating reindeer.

Since we all know elves are gay from the Christmas classic ‘Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer’, it stands to reason that cock-size is probably what they are measuring! The single-minded Size Queens of Santa/Osiris! Maybe the Trouser Trout is the Right Whale. God, maybe size really DOES matter!!

I’m like, Oh fuck. I always suspected my sperm whale was a tadpole, and now even the elves are gonna laugh at it! Funny how Doug had a dream on a similar theme this week...

Last night I dreamed I was being interviewed to be a room mate in a new flat. The guy interviewing me (who looked very much like a King Herod-esque version of one of my former room mates in Manhattan) had only one question "How big is your cock?"

Not really sure about the point of all the above, but Merry Christmas everyone, and may we all measure up in the new year!

7 comments:

Christopher Knowles said...

Ha! That's the fishmas spirit! Did that elf want to be a dentist or an interior decorator?

Keep an eye for those fish symbols in the coming year...

Riverwolf, said...

Hmm, twice in one week I've heard about the Santa/Jesus/mushroom theory, which is totally new to me.

And I hope this can't all truly be reduced to a bad day in high school gym class.

Excuse me, I feel the need to flick a towel...

Michael said...

Christopher - probably wanted to be a porn star, but he didn't measure up.

Riverwolf - Well then, welcome to mushroom church! :-) Click on the ego-death or Greek Gods topics for more info.

And merry fishmas to you both!

James Ratte said...

Amber Jack ... nice

the "mushroom" is on the "synch whole" at the moment

Devin said...

Very nice and thought-provoking article as always Michael -sorry so late in getting to it -I wanted to say how very happy I am that Varen's health is better also!!
ps i stole "I Swear It's This Big":-)
Gosh from what you wrote I am now wishing for a fundamentalist Christian for a neighbor!
never thought I would say that-but almost anyone would be an improvement over the aholes that live near me now!!
I hope you and Var have a truly beautiful and joyful 2010!!

Devin said...

ooops-meant to say I enjoyed your humor in this article too!!-ATB!!

Michael said...

James - Amber Jack! That would be a yellow Jack, also a scaredy cat?

Devin - hi, and yes, a very happy Christmas around here. I have a very strange relationship with fundies. Most of them are really cool about the gay issue and almost seem to go out of their way to prove they are cool with it. It's only the fundie ministers who are aholes. Strange times.

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