The Superman App

I’m reading The Superman App by JP71 at Evolution Archives this week, which is about a sentient mobile phone (probably from the future) that has only 3 apps (apples) but they are the only three that really matter: “genital enhancement”, “lottery picker” and “superman”. The phone is essentially a Genie, a near omnipotent servant. The Djinn makes frequent appearances in homoerotic fiction and I had a facepalm moment when I realized that Aladdin had to RUB the lamp in order to summon the Genie:

Phenomenal Cosmic Powers - in an itty-bitty living space.

You get apps from the Apple Store. The genie of the lamp is blue, just like the Smerfs, who are “3 apples high”. The gay blue elves live in amanita mushrooms. The entheogen theory of the human evolution of consciousness states that the “apple” from the Tree of Knowledge was in fact, a magic mushroom. Cocks have “mushroom heads”. Smerfs wear white Stygian caps, which makes them resemble... sperm. God, I’ve been around this sync loop so many times I’m dizzy!

Avalon is the 'Isle of Apples', the medieval app store. The Holy Grail (according to One King, One Soldier):

It is what will complete the Ark of the Covenant, and restore its Old Testament power. It may be a part of the Table of Moses; it may be a fragment of the Emerald Tablet of Thoth; it may be what the Egyptians revered as the head of Osiris; it is possible that those three things are one and the same. The Grail is that which restores power.

The “head” of Osiris does not sit on his shoulders, it rides just below his hips. It is the “missing phallus” that restores the Kingdom of Egypt. Horus is born from the "golden phallus", who is "superman". In One King, One Soldier, the character named “George” is a “Grail Bearer”, who carries the Grail in a leather pouch attached to his hip...

Back to the Superman App:

Before we establish a connection, Derek, it might be prudent to tell you of the third and final app available for your enjoyment. This, however, due to a software glitch, I am sorry to inform you, can only work in scry mode. In other words, you, as my owner, cannot be directly affected by the effects of the upgrade. However, the subject of my scrying can. Unlike the enhancement of your genitalia, there are TEN upgrade levels to this app.

Hmmm. In other words, the Djinn only grants the wishes of others:

Therefore all things whatsoever ye would that men should do to you, do ye even so to them: for this is the law and the prophets. --Matthew 7:12

I imagine that the Golden Rule is sort of a “fail safe” in the Cosmic OS. It’s designed to prevent ego from running amok in the Genie 7-11, stealing the till and all the Doritos and beer. It’s a great idea, but somehow, I think we’ve been hacked.