Apr 9, 2010

Witch Doctor Who?

I’m still processing my Easter Service experience, which is looking more and more like black voodoo magic! (And I say that with respect to voodoo practitioners - it actually makes the church much cooler IMHO) This is basically what happened:

1. The Congregation, lead by the Pastor, collectively prayed for (conjured up) an alternative reality (peace, justice, the usual).

2. This focused collective will caused an alternate reality to form in another dimension.

3. Then he invokes Christ, (the collective ego) ritually slaying the congregation via a surrogate (voodoo doll).

4. Then we perform Communion, where we ritually eat the body and blood of the lamb - a sin eating ritual - and the bridge from one dimension to another.

5. And finally we get the Benediction, where we are “born again” into the new reality. The Undead of Christ!

God, no wonder the Christians burned all the witches, they wanted a monopoly on the Witch Doctor franchise!

I suppose that would make a church a kind of stargate, or TARDIS. Or flying haunted mansion if you belong to the Church of Rocky Horror. Actually, my favorite is the time warp castle of Count Duckula, the vegetarian vampire. Show us your palms, Green Man.

Does it work? Well... maybe a little, but not so much. Actual trans-dimensional travel requires a bit more voltage than grape juice and a stylish Easter bonnet. However, in theory....
In my Father's house are many mansions: if it were not so, I would have told you. I go to prepare a place for you. --John 14:2

But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also. --Matthew 6:20-21

The Witch Doctor - David Seville and the Chip Monks


Devin said...

Hahahahaha:-) thanks for posting this Michael!!!!!!!!
sorry I am so behind on reading your blog-actually I am pretty much behind on everything these days - I know you have done many articles this year i haven't seen yet- I will try to get caught up this coming week-all the best to you and Var!!!! I hope the weather is decent up there for you- we are warming up here- but it was inevitable:-)

Michael said...

Hi Dev,

Thanks for coming by! Our Spring sort of fizzled out a few weeks ago with lots of cold and even hail storms! This weekend is supposed to be nice, though. Hope you are feeling better, and all the best,


Anadæ Effro said...

That, my fellow synchromystical friend & colleague, is the Voudon god, Chango, who makes an almost undetectable cameo @ 4.24 in this brilliant music video, Tightrope!

Janelle Monáe, Kansas born (like Dorothy) started her own school for artists, christened Wonderland (where Alice went). There's also another phantasmagorical sci-fi mini-movie by Ms. Monáe, Many Moons, wherein she appears as a mass-produced femme bot & rock star, Cindi Mayweather. I'll leave you to throw that in your search engine. Dogpile is my favourite one of all, since they utilize all of the other ones.

Also, which witch-finder general wuzz it who'd said, "Sodomy is a crime that leads to witchcraft!" ??? Motherfucker. He probably fucked his mother. Repeatedly. Great blogticle, this. I'm linking it on my facespooge page. Ciao for now ~ (•8-D

Michael said...

The wikipedia entry for Shango, god of thunder and lighting is fascinating! He seems to have many Dionysus/Osiris/Jesus-like attributes, even the double bladed axe. Apparently, the Yoruba religion is similar to Catholicism and Hindi, where the Saints/Gods are personifications of external natural forces and internal, emotional forces, all of whom are expressions of the one, monotheistic God.

Googling the sodomy quote just gives me links to about a zillion End Times preacher sites who are convinced that tolerance of homosexuality is the reason why the U.S. is falling apart, and a reference to this bizarre Christian book review of Marilyn Manson's "The long hard road out of hell", where he basically agrees with MM all the way.

Devin said...

Michael -I am sorry to hear of the cold snap up there!!
It was gorgeous today - like 75 I think - but back to mid to late 80s the next days - of course that is nothing like summer here as you gno!!
I will have to check out some of the things you and Anadae mentioned linked etc- I am basically back to try to get somewhat caught up on your work- sorry so late posting your comment- I seem very prone to "weak spells" (luckily -well maybe I think mine are caused by my chronic insomnia and not HIV-I guess the latest blood work done might tell the tale so to speak
but I am missing an awful lot of puter time because of this
all the best in the world to you and Var my friend!!!!!!!

Anonymous said...

Interesting take on the Easter service. Yes, one does get a new perspective when you start deconstructing these rituals. Of course, if you told any Christians this, there heads would explode.

And I think that sodomy = witchcraft thing might be true. Sure, it took me several years, but I'm sure my downfall into sodomy paved the way for me becoming a "voudou priestess," as my partner lovingly refers to me now.

Michael said...

Devin - weather is improving! We're into the 60's now, and mostly sunny for a few days.

Riverwolf - Thanks for reading. I'm beginning to understand that all these rituals, gods and saviors come from the same well of the collective subconscious. Voudou priestess - that would make you like Solitaire from the James Bond flick "Live and Let Die" - theme song by ex-beatle Paul McCartney! Now that's circular reasoning! :-)

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