The Cat Came Back

I had the wildest dream last night:

I was re-living when Var and I first met, and our first few dates. It became apparent (in the dream, not real life) that Var had been seeing someone else when we met, and it turns out that Var dumped him for me - he was Varen's Ex. The odd thing was that this other guy would often appear at the same social venues as us, and it soon became apparent that he hadn't quite figured out that he'd been dumped. He was sexy in a pale, scruffy, wolfish kind of way, obviously NOT the sharpest knife in the drawer, if you get my drift.

But eventually he did figure it out, and he wasn't happy about it. In fact, he soon began stalking us, and he would suddenly appear out of nowhere, taunting us with some stupid/lurid joke that was entirely inappropriate (even mortifying?) for the social situation.

The jokes went from distasteful to sick, and the appearance of this "Ex-man" gradually changed into... you guessed it, Heath Ledger's Joker. White skin, blacked out eyes, long, oily, unkept hair. His jokes soon became lethal, and suddenly I was in a slasher movie, with the Joker lunging at me from dark corners with a dangerously big and sharp knife! Lots of dodges and near misses. I became an Artful Dodger.

This dude was clearly insanely jealous, and there was no reasoning with him. He wanted me dead, and if Var wouldn't see things his way, then Var would die too! The odd thing about this particular dream, was that I had "awakened in the dream" and I realized that this was a "re-enactment" of our courtship, and I figured if we just played it cool, re-enacting all the acts, then everything would work out, because somehow Var had gotten rid of this Joker character before.

Except, this time, the Joker was on to us, and he realized he had to do something different, something radical! He had to change his appearance. So he got under a shower and the oily hair and oily makeup was streaming off of him, and I was watching, anxious to see who he would become... and then I woke up! Dayumn!

But after I woke up, I realized I've dreamed about this guy before, I've just never held any conscious memory before. Because I realized that when the makeup came off, this deranged, insanely jealous killer was actually me. My Dark Side. And I.

As many have noticed, the relationship between the Batman and the Joker is sexual in nature. The Joker is in love with Batman, and he sees everyone else in Batman's life as a threat, from Catwoman to Robin, but especially Robin. He is an extremely ancient archetype, something from the pit of our subconscious. In the dream, I got the sense that he wasn't necessarily evil, but more that he had been deliberately ignored, and that was the reason for his jealousy.

If you look at Heath Ledger's progression from Ennis Del Mar to the Joker, you can see a jilted lover coming back from the dead - with a vengeance. He has become another Freddy Kruger... a subconscious "Dreaming Mind" entity that cannot be killed, and simply will not go away. He's the cat that came back.

The cat came back, it wouldn't stay away, the cat came back, he thought it was a gonner, but the cat came back, it just wouldn't stay away.

So I've been trying to come up with what to do with him. That Joker cat isn't going away. He's a PART of me. A part that is tired of being apart. Integration is where it's at, all the cool cats are doing it. How do I invite the Joker to the table? The Wedding Feast is for everyone.