The Moses Channel

I finally watched 'Soulmaid' last week:

Moses' chronic seizures take the form of religious visions, a goddess named Glintentica. But when Moses meets David, the vengeful goddess attempts to come between the two, possess David's soul, and bring about the extinction of gays forever. Can a way to defeat Glinny's evil scheme be found? 2007.

Soulmaid Trailer

OK, I hated it... at first. mainly because it was trampling over ground that I had sort of personally peed on, and I didn't like the trespassing. That said, it's clear that I'm not the only homo with apocalyptic dreams. Those pinko beams of VALIS are definitely getting around. Like a funky bad dream, I couldn't get it out of my head.

Manhattan Moses is employed as a "Male maid". He cleans your apartment in nothing but his tighty whities - while you watch. Some kind of kinky NYC cottage industry. Moses is always cleaning, cleaning... sponges, sponges. I'm deliberately avoiding Sponge Bob Square Pants synchs for now, because I fear Bob is a ravenous synch hole of epic proportions, and my time is short.

So anyhoo, the very next day my honey asked me to clean the kitchen floor, which I admit was several weeks past due. So I'm on the floor, sponge in hand, and I'm thinking, this is SO weird, I'm acting out "Moses". I scrub and I scrub, all the way around the kitchen and the breakfast nook, and I'm especially diligent, because this is like MOSES doing the cleaning.

I get everything spotless, except there's the round table in the breakfast nook, and I decide to clean underneath it. The table has a cruciform base, and when I slide it away, I see the major CROSS shaped stain beneath, tinged with RED from God only knows what. OK, a filthy RED CROSS on the floor of my pristine breakfast nook! No match for the SPONGE of MOSES!!!

The Bloody Cross is the sign of the Templars, and in my synchropinion, a fabulous candidate for the infamous Mark of the Beast. It flashed on me: Holy Fuck! Is THAT what we're supposed to do? Make the RED cross WHITE? How is THAT supposed to happen?

I have some funky Moses synchs, Burning Bush and all. The strangest one was last summer, when a Jehovah's Witness lady came to the door, evangelizing. As usual, I told her that I was a Christian and that I was QUEER, and she was completely unperturbed by that news. She got out her bible in her best 'Church Lady' way and it plops open to Numbers 20:9-12 which is the tale of why Moses never made it across the River Jordan to the Promised Land. She reads the verse, tells me in no uncertain terms the moral of the story, and then she turns on her heels and leaves, and I had the feeling that verse was the WHOLE REASON she came to my door.

I was like, WTF?!!

The opposite of the Templar cross is a white cross in a red field, which synchs up with the sacrificial Red Shirts. It is the sign of the LIFEGUARD - the GUARDIAN of the beach - the eternally bronze sex symbol. The first gay porn I ever bought featured a lifeguard. And then there's BAYWATCH.

According to the Guinness Book of World Records, Baywatch is the most watched TV show in the world of all time, with over 1.1 billion viewers. That pesky 11 again.

David Hasselhoff was never my cup of tea, but I sure envied his job. He was King of the Beach, and he hired only the hottest of the Hottentots.

Before Baywatch, David was Michael KNIGHT:

Michael Knight, a former police detective... is recruited into the secret organization FLAG (Foundation for Law And Government) after nearly being killed during a botched investigation. Knight is provided with the use of KITT, an ultra sophisticated autonomic car which enables him to travel across the United States fighting crime.

Alrighty then. Michael (the angel/archetype) drives around the New World (Atlantis) in a self-aware chariot/grail (human being) that is voiced by William Daniels, who plays the car/grail like a flaming QUEEN!

The reverse Templar cross also happens to be the Swiss FLAG - an odd little country. Land of chalets, Toblerone, cuckoo clocks and Swatches, fondue, secreted wealth, the Matterhorn and the infamous CERN in Geneva. Most importantly, it was the HAVEN to which Julie Andrews FLED from the Nazis in The Sound of Music!

One wonders what kind of secret leverage the Swiss have held all these years that prevented them from being absorbed into this or that European empire.

The Swiss GUARD are the ceremonial protectors of St. Peter's - AKA GUARDIANS of the Key Bearer. I doubt if the Vatican has anything besides money and reputation left to guard, but the symbolic point is made.

Swiss Guards is the name that has been given to Swiss mercenary soldiers who have served as bodyguards, ceremonial guards, and palace guards at foreign European courts from the late 15th century until the present day. --wikipedia

Dig those funky silks. Strangely, those were the colors I chose for the sail of my second little yacht - a SOL cat.

A boy and his solar powered Grail, at rest.

Anyway, back to Moses. Moses didn't make it across the River Jordan on the first go, because he didn't give God the credit for his acts. A copyright infringement. Maybe he'll make it across the second time around, as long as he gives due credit:

"By the power of the Great Phallic Sky God!"

That should play well in Peoria!