The Hudson River Virus

I've never watched even one episode of Big Brother, but thankfully, Doug at Unnatural Devotions is a fan, and since I'm a fan of Doug, it all works out. There was high weirdness goings on last week, and perhaps none higher or weirder than on Big Brother. I suspect VALIS, but call it what you will.

Sirens, masturbation, exorcism, holy water, viral infection and tin foil hats are all featured in one very strange episode. The transcript is posted at the bottom (lifted from UD, thanks Doug).

In a nutshell, virtual prostitution and flagrant public masturbation has made Josh and Natalie believe there is evil in the house, so they conduct an impromptu exorcism. Tin foil hats are donned as worries of alien mind control are voiced. Chelsia even wears a spaghetti holder on her head - a rather obvious attempt at protection from the 'Flying Spaghetti Monster'. Chelsia also made the most interesting statement of the entire evening: "It’s the fucking Hudson river virus, they're coming for us."

What Is the Hudson River Virus? It’s from the dystopian CBS serial drama Jericho, which aired right after the PoV episode of Big Brother 9. HRV is a disease about which the government is warning the people of Jericho.

Jericho (the world's oldest city) was the first city conquered by the ancient Israelites after they crossed the River Jordan into the Promised Land. The Israelites were an invading horde that made the walls of Jericho come a tumblin' down. Joshua (Yahshua, Jesus) led the battle of Jericho.

Henry Hudson (1570? – 1611) was an English sea explorer and navigator in the early 17th century. His place of birth was London, England. He is presumed to have died in 1611 in Hudson Bay, Canada, after he was set adrift, along with his son and seven others, by his crewmen following a mutiny. --Wikipedia

Curiously, the Hudson River echoes the path of the River Jordan by flowing directly south from northern headwaters. It appears to end directly at Ground Zero.

You could say that God was also the victim of a mutiny - the angelic rebellion. HRV = Hudson's revenge. Viruses, even with today's advanced medicine, still easily breach the "walls" of our defenses, and it makes me wonder... just how low will Jesus go? A virus? That is so fucking sneaky! So Trojan horse. Just think, you may ALREADY be infected with Jesus nanobots! Maybe the Red Cross can help.

Episode Transcript

Note: The siren/alarm they're talking about in the transcript is a siren that they were warned about by the show's producers earlier in the day: apparently a siren will go off in the house at any moment and all the houseguests have to go to the living room for a surprise when they hear it. Getting this news apparently caused nerves to frazzle. To say the least. --Doug

11:45PM BBT: Natalie scares Josh telling him "EVIL" is in the house and told him that Allison gave James and Chelsia hand jobs for votes and that Matt will be attacked by it! [Eric ed. Quick! Someone call Ghostbusters!]

Natalie and Josh go running around house with two bibles (Josh has Precious Moments bible) and praying in each room (this is crazy!) Josh is freaking out; Natalie's eyes are bigger then normal. They are saying "no evil in and back away evil, all evil out. "We have enough evil in, send evil out!" Natalie reads from bible. Josh is throwing holy water (Which Josh/Natalie creating by sticking their hands in it and reading from bible then praying.) at everything. They start with Front door then DR door. Chelsia follows them at this point. They then bless the SR do and the SR itself. Chelsia is a laughing. Chelsia tells them nothing happened and laughs.

Natalie and Josh head to boat room and bless it. They focus on the "Evil Bed”. Finally they bless the Laundry Room. Josh throws a lot of Holy water. Nat says her nipples just told her the alarm will sound between 4am-8am. Chelsia follows them again after hearing this. They go to Memory Wall and bless the Power of Veto medallions. Chelsia leaves them. Josh gets on his knees.

In bedroom Matt is in his boxers, standing jerking off, then James does as Ryan, Allison, & Chelsia, Shelia laugh.

Midnight... Josh and Natalie are now wearing aluminum foil on their heads. Matt sees this and goes running back to the others and says they’ve gone crazy. Natalie goes and blesses James and Chelsia's bed. James is still jerking off and she’s throwing water on him as Allison and Chelsia watch. Natalie runs and tells Josh "the siren has made everyone masturbating fools." Josh: "We're the only sane ones." Natalie: “Everyone else has lost their minds."

In the Back Yard Matt tells Ryan about Natalie and Josh, and that Chelsia was jacking off James.

In kitchen a naked James walks by still masturbating! Nat says "Oh god unbelievable this house is crazy. This masturbating house we live in." James goes outside and sits down NAKED by Matt/Ryan who tell him to wear underwear. James goes back inside and waves at Nat (now with hands) Josh gets sick in garbage can. Nat freaking out and pours the cup of holy water on door handle. James goes back outside and sits down on coach wearing sock on his penis only.

Inside Chelsia says Adam's masturbating again and says he does every 5 minutes. Nat & Josh tell her they're wearing hats so aliens can’t affect their brains. Nat heads outside. Matt calls her "psycho". Nat tells Ryan/Matt/James they will die from evil but she & Josh will be safe... Now Chelsia is wearing a spaghetti holder on her head. Matt calls Nat a freak. "How can u wear that on TV?" Nat: "How can u & James masturbate on TV?" Josh heads outside. They all take off her hats. Josh, Chelsia, & Nat get into Hot Tub in underwear.

12:20AM BBT: Adam heads out. Ryan says he’s going to be up all night. They all talk about porn, sucking cock, fingers in things, and all sexual things. Chelsia hears sirens in distance (outside studio) and Chelsia says "it’s the fucking Hudson river virus, they're coming for us." They all agree tonight is eerie. Chelsia you watch the siren will go off every night. They talk about going to sleep with fans or TV on. Ryan tells Matt he was on late 3 minutes of Showtime2 jacking off [ ed. : he wasn’t, they were following the holy water group.] They then talk about past sexual things in house.

12:30AM BBT: Talk about religious stuff they did. Ryan: "What holy water did u use?" they explain to him what it is. They explain to him "the body of Christ." Matt says "the little circle things?" they ask each other about their faith. Chelsia & Ryan explain to James about Catholicism and that he was the devil for masturbating. Ryan says: "Even Priests can’t have sex." James goes running naked inside. Adam, Chelsia and Ryan follow laughing.

Josh swims all alone in Back Yard in Hot Tub.

James lays naked in bed. Chelsia covers him up and lies down with him. Natalie puts on bra & panties and lies down in bed with Matt. Ryan gets into bed with Allison.

End of transcript.