Gone Fishin'

I'm suffering from a melancholy state of mind. No idea when or if it will lift, but it has settled, and I think I will take a leave from blogging. I can sense many reasons for it, the general malaise of my country being an obvious answer, but I usually manage to rise above that. I really do feel like a Jeremiah after the election. My brothers celebrated in the streets with Obama's victory, delirious with the idea of "real change", but somehow I feel it is all so staged, so pat... I guess that's what we are reduced to scrabbling over these days... the change. Meanwhile the fat cats continue to take all the cream. Jeremiahs are party poopers.

But it goes deeper than that. I was recently told that I was "demon possessed" by someone who I held in some regard. Not that I haven't been told that before. I'm demon possessed not because of my record of violent crime or anything like that, but just because I'm gay. It's especially great to be called demon possessed after you try to help someone out - an excellent incentive program!

I sorta thought I'd gotten way over that witchy charge, but the thing is, I've lately come to consider the reality of spirit entities that might be called demons, and considering my archetype theory, where all human beings are "avatars" of the spirits, then being "demon-possessed" is just a fact of life, not anything special. Still, I'd prefer a nice demon, one that doesn't totally trash the place.

And this week I read a tract that is essentially Neo-Calvinist in doctrine - Calvin being the cornerstone of the "predestined to damnation" doctrine so popular with the right crowd. Fags are always damned, kinda like Huckleberry Finn, except we didn't even DO anything obviously wicked like help a slave to escape, we're just damned for our lustful thoughts.

But, I think the real reason I'm so blue, is that I wonder why God doesn't answer prayers. I mean, MY prayers. Why not? Why the fuck NOT? Why doesn't God want the guy across the street to be cured from cancer? Why doesn't he want my own sister freed from alcoholism? Only a total JERK wouldn't answer prayers like that. The obvious answer is that he doesn't exist, so get over it. The typical Christian answer is that it's because he doesn't answer a fag's prayers, so again... get over it.

But it's not like the bible believing Christians are out there casting out devils themselves! Where are the miracles? Where ARE the fucking MIRACLES? It's a legit complaint, considering the bible is basically one long and tedious record of miracles. So basically, I'm at a "show me the money" stage. Which is... how long can I go on deluding myself that there is an omnipotent and loving cosmic super intelligence that gives a shit about tiny little intellects AKA human beings?

(OK, I just got a strange email seconds before I posted this, but it's not a miracle, it's just an email. So the post stands.)