On Her Majesty's Secret Service

Undress, Wiseman, Lord.

I've been expecting OCTober to be a spidery month and my hunch was confirmed when Bring a Trailer featured two "Spider" sports cars on Sept. 30.

A few days later, an add for a new solitaire app shows up on my iPhone:

Spiders represent Arachne - the subconscious weaver of the web of conscious reality. We note that this spider is playing cards, which syncs directly into games of chance, gambling and tarot readings. In the 1973 James Bond film Live and Let Die, Solitaire is a character who reads the tarot for her underworld boss, and she is never wrong.

Yesterday was the Golden Anniversary of the Bond Franchise - Dr. No opened on Oct. 5, 1962, and I've been musing on the concept of the secret agent.

According to Jung, the mind is divided into two parts - the conscious ego, and the subconscious, or Id. These two parts are at war with one another, but are also secretly in love, which leads to all manner of intrigue. This odd arrangement is echoed in the odd arrangement of our political organizations, which are all governed by duly elected representatives of our own good judgement, but we all know it's just a sham and all the real power lies in the "shadow" government - the realm of Black Ops, Disinfo, secret agents, and all the rest. The President of the USA may be the most powerful man on earth, but his power only exists at the behest of this shadowy, underworld side of the government.

Liz may be Queen of the Soggy Isles, but we all know the real power behind the throne:

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As the President of the divided country of "Mikastan", I would dearly love a spy to go check out what the fuck is going ON in there, in my secret subconscious spider cave, and get a heads up on what's coming around the pike, so to speak. Sort of a Sneak Preview. But I can't very well go marching in as King Konsciousness, can I? All flags out and horns a blaring... hell, they'd see me coming a mile away.

No... a more subtle approach is needed, a master of disguise who can appear as a subconscious comrade, but who is really a double agent. He could go rummage around the spinning room while the spiders were all on a lunch break. He could check out files, blueprints, scripts. And maybe, if he were clever, he could swap some blueprints or scripts around, without the spiders catching on.

And if we were charming enough, maybe some lovely spider would even willingly cooperate. It's not the first time the spider was seduced by the fly.

SYNC NOTE: Barbara Bach played Major Anya Amasova in The Spy Who Loved Me. Bach is the wife of Ringo Starr, of the Beatles. Fifty years ago, on Oct. 5, 1962, the first Beatles single hit the streets: Love Me Do.