Much of what you read on Gosporn is an inquiry of sorts, looking for answers to an ecstatic "walk in the woods" experience in the Fall of 2004. The inquiry does tend to wander, but I always find myself circling back to that experience, because I really do divide my life into two parts now - the one before the walk, and the one after. BC and AD. I now call it an ego-death experience because that sounds less preachy than "anointed by the Holy Spirit", and less crazy than "alien abduction" experience. The experience has been a profound enigma to me, until I began looking into the Dionysus Mysteries, and finally the myst is beginning to clear.
Research into the Dionysus Mysteries led me to: The Entheogen Theory of Religion and Ego Death.
...a sense of being controlled by frozen block-universe determinism with a single, pre-existing, ever-existing future. Experiencing this model of control and time initially destabilizes self-control power, and amounts to the death of the self that was conceived of as an autonomous control-agent. Self-control stability is restored upon transforming one's mental model to take into account the dependence of personal control on a hidden, separate thought-source, such as Necessity or a divine level that transcends Necessity. --Michael Hoffman
This is perhaps the best essay on the nature of ecstatic religious experience that I have EVER read. He integrates early Christianity into the Roman and Gnostic cults of the day, which all strongly featured the concept of Initiation into a "Mystery". An initiation who's engine (Hoffman proposes) was the altered state brought forth by the ingestion of "spiced wine" - drink laden with entheogenic drugs. The cup that is very likely... the mythical Holy Grail.
Hoffman intuits that the great "mystery" was, in fact, a personal experience of frozen block-universe determinism, and that much of the Jesus (and Dionysus) mythos can be easily understood when this principle is applied. The journey of Jesus, from the last supper, through the garden of Gethsemane, and finally to the Cross, is metaphor for the Initiate's journey toward ego-death, and the triumphant finale - when the Ego is Born Again.
I was so taken with Hoffman's insight that I purchased the first issue of Salvia Divinorum Magazine, published in 2003. There are only three issues in print. Salvia Divinorum is an entheogenic plant native to Mexico - the Oaxaca region. I've visited the state (not the altered state!) more than once, and strangely, my closest near death experience was on a beach near Oaxaca, when I nearly drowned in a riptide. The beach was Playa de la Muerte - I have since learned to pay more attention to signs.
The cruciform entheogen called hojas de las Maria Pastora, or ska Maria Pastora (leaves of Mary the shepherdess) were used among the Mazatec in medico-religious practices, like the teonanacatl mushrooms and the ololiuhqui seeds (similar to Morning Glory).
SD Mag prints accounts of those who have smoke the herb and I found many of them to be extremely familiar - as if they were also there in the woods. Here's one:
"This is a composite of all my Salvia experiences... Hell, and sin, is truly a state of perceived separation from God, to use the quaint theological terms. I've been in Hell, and I've sinned. I was there, and so was God, looking through my eyes, though I didn't know it.
So getting older all the time, and feeling twinges of mortality and middle-age craziness, I was ready to see things a little bit differently.
Not having a budget that could support, or justify the broadening experience of extensive travel, I thought it would be a good idea to travel extensively in my own room. So in my room I sat and chewed the bitter Salvia leaves, and in short order all that I thought I was vanished, and in its place a strange, yet familiar, wild Being took over. This Being was I, and everyone, a vast organic entity.
This Being was (is) beyond words. Any words I use to describe the experience are totally inadequate, lifeless.
All I can do is submit to this Being, and acknowledge that it is real, and in charge of me, of everything. Some would call it God. Whatever it is, it's real, it's alive, and Salvia really brings it home. Home is this Being.
I've never been so happy, so relieved, to be nothing but a part of the flesh of this Being. Ah, the pleasures this Flesh! One Flesh, forever. Thank you, Salvia!"
Right on, bro! IMHO, ego-death is basically what happens when the personal Operating System crashes. It is a kind of built in "fail safe" of the brain. It's as if the ego just can't take any more, and it collapses into a primordial state of programming - a "reboot", so to speak. That reboot is a reconnection to the source of I Am - the all encompassing, all loving, all knowing Id, the Father, Abba, etc.
However, my own, personal Jesus ego-death wasn't due to "spiced wine" - or anything approaching an entheogen. But I do admit to being "under the influence" - of Jeff Fairhall - Seattle's magic mushroom tea sipping (hell, guzzling) shaman. Is it possible to have an ego-death experience without entheogens? Stay tuned for Part II, when we explore DMT - The Spirit Molecule.