God's Gym

I have a recurring sexual fantasy about a gym somewhere that's filled with nothing but hung muscle studs who spend all day and all night fucking and working out. That's my simple idea of heaven. What if that really IS heaven?

All Angels are Male

Every single angel ever mentioned in the bible is male. From fallen Lucifer to the Archangel Michael, all of them are boys. Angels live in heaven. All angels are male. Males have cocks and sperm, that's what makes them male. What do male angels DO in heaven? WHY are they male?

And for this reason I give men wives; so that they might sow seed in them, and so that children might be born by them, so that deeds might be done on the Earth. But you, formerly, were spiritual, living an eternal, immortal life, for all the generations of the world. For this reason I did not arrange wives for you; because the dwelling of the spiritual ones is in Heaven. --The Book of Enoch: 15:5-7

This passage is one where God reprimands the "Watchers" - angels who, before the deluge, took human form, and who married mortal women in order to have children. Basically, God is saying that women are His invention for a mortal world - a world where procreation is needed for the continuation of the species, but in heaven, where beings are immortal, there is no need for procreation, so no women.

What the fuck?

People who think about this sort of thing make the logical assumption that angels must be asexual, because all sex is for procreation, right? Umm... maybe not. Angels are male, and so is God the Father. If angels (and God) were asexual, they'd be neuter. There is no reason for sexual terms unless sex is present. The maleness of God and of the angels is always very apparent in the biblical narrative. The importance of the seed of the Father is a theme that can't be ignored - or at least I can't ignore it. God's a stud - the Bull of Bulls.

The "Watchers" of Enoch had one other attribute: 'privies like unto horses'. Horse hung studs! What does a big cock symbolize? Power. Productive sexual power - the ultimate power of a man. The Power of a male God is the power of his phallus. The Most High God has the biggest dick, and the right to procreate. All the other angels are less than Him. It sounds like a herd of sheep - the strongest ram has the right to impregnate the entire herd. Primal, eh?

Maybe the disobedient angels in the Book of Enoch descended from heaven with huge cocks, because it symbolized their desire for creative power, to be as God. Angels, being immortal, do not reproduce, and maybe they felt slighted that God would create beings (man) so far beneath them, yet with a power that even they - the "Sons of God", didn't possess. So they took it upon themselves to descend onto earth, to forsake their spiritual form for flesh, and to beget children. The history of these angels and what became of their children is the main subject of the Book of Enoch.

Of all the primates, Homo Sapiens have by far the hugest dicks. Way bigger than gorillas, even. If men are super hung compared to other primates, then maybe it makes sense that angels are super hung compared to men. And maybe these angels, when they keep to their proper places in heaven, when they don't defile themselves with women, are busy worshipping the Cock of Cocks, and they appreciate the big dicks God gave them, and share the joy between each other, in the Gym of Heaven.

First Fruits of the Apocalypse

These are they which were not defiled with women; for they are virgins. These are they which follow the Lamb whithersoever he goeth. These were redeemed from among men, being the firstfruits unto God and to the Lamb. And in their mouth was found no guile: for they are without fault before the throne of God. --Revelations 14:4-5

These particular verses of the Apocalypse fascinate me. It's a description of men that appear during the so-called End Times, the close of the Cosmic Chapter. Ever since these words were written 2000 years ago, there has been no end to the speculation about just who the fuck these dudes are. Many denominations/cults have claimed this mantle, many still do. Allow me to stake MY claim.

"These are they which were not defiled with women; for they are virgins."

Oy. I can think of only one group of men that not only don't "defile themselves" (have sex with) women, but are also technically "virgins". Yea... fags.

"These are they which follow the Lamb whithersoever he goeth."

There is no other group of people on this planet who suffer the shame of their calling more than gay men - a calling that transcends race, religion, nation and economics. What is this that we follow, that puts us at odds with our own families, even the church and the state? What is the force that compels us be true to something so deep within, even the ridicule of the whole world can't extinguish it? I'll call it Holy.

"being the firstfruits unto God and to the Lamb"

Fruits - as in "fruit of the loins". FIRST fruits implies something new, something that isn't manifested until the very end. What I think this really means is that at the end, there will appear a new kind of man - a new Adam, men that embody the promises of the Lord - a physical witness to the future glory of mankind.

"And in their mouth was found no guile: for they are without fault before the throne of God."

This passage makes sense if its read as a warning - that the world will not recognise the Firstfruits as being men of God.

Fishers of Men

And he saith unto them, Follow me, and I will make you fishers of men. -- Matthew 4:19

I had to laugh when I saw the top pic of these fishermen and their mighty rods. The bottom pic is timeless - a fisher of men, trolling with his rod.

Art by Kent.

King of the Locker Room

A small town 12 year old boy with an "unnatural" interest in big muscle men didn’t have many options open to him in 1972. I could send away for mail order bodybuilding courses from the back of Popular Mechanics, but I never found any bodybuilding magazines at the local grocery stores - not that I would’ve had the courage to buy one anyway. The occasional Hercules movie would show up on afternoon TV, and there were always comic book super heroes. I began collecting them and eventually, started drawing my own.

My heroes were always buck naked and massively developed - in every way. Drawing them with enormous cocks just seemed right to me, like this is what a man SHOULD look like! All the lines of his body; the bulging pecs and arms, the flaring lats and thighs, the corrugated abs, they all naturally lead my eye to his crowning glory. I'd make a drawing and just look at him, eyes glazed over in a fog of lust, frigging away at my own hard-on. I’d stash the hand made porn under my bed and use it until eventually and inevitably, I'd want to draw another one. Over time the porn collection would gradually build up, and then in a fit of guilt I'd throw them all away. A week or two of abstinence, and I’d start drawing again. Fortunately some drawings survived, though only the ones made after I moved away from home at 18. This one's typical; a big guy hanging out in the locker room, obviously happy as hell to be hung like a fence post.

Growing Up

As a kid, I was always too tall. Too tall for my age, but certainly not too heavy. I was a beanpole, and I was really self-conscious about it. I was generally taller than any kid in my class all through primary and middle school, sometimes even a full head taller than average. Not just tall and skinny, but gawky and uncoordinated as well. I remember hiding during recess, because ball tag was the sport, and I was always "it". Picture roving gangs of males, seeking easy prey. I found refuge in the library and I spent as much time as I could there, escaping into the books. I guess that explains why I read at college level in 6th grade.

When I was a teenager, I did a little baby-sitting for neighbors (being the responsible nerd who was rarely out getting into trouble with the other teenage boys on Saturday nights), and I sat for a family who’s dad was the high school gym teacher. He was a stud in my eyes - short and muscular, but mostly what I remember about it was that he had a bench and some weights in the basement. God, he had his own workout room! He also had a small stack of weight lifting magazines down there, and when it was late, after I put the kids to bed, I would go downstairs and look at those magazines and the weights and stuff. It made me hard.

I was one of those skinny teenagers who actually sent away for the muscle building courses advertised in the back of Popular Mechanics. The 1972 Joe Weider catalog (mercifully mailed in a plain brown rapper) was the stuff of my fantasies. Frank Zane, Dave Draper, Larry Scott, I knew every sweep and bulge of their amazing physiques! I dreamed of having my own weight set, of being a real man! Not only were these guys so hot and muscular to me, they didn’t mind showing it off - they’d pose for the cameras and admiring fans, wearing nothing but little bikini briefs. I could barely change in a locker room without wishing I could hide behind the lockers! That little catalogue was responsible for gallons of my teen spunk shooting into the sheets. What did my mom think on wash day, week after week? Forget it, I don’t want to know.

Fortunately in high school my growth spurt slowed down and the other boys caught up. I even managed to fill out a bit and by college, I was 6' and 165 lb. - a pretty average frat boy. Even so, those early years instilled in me an admiration for thick, powerful, muscular guys that I’ve never outgrown.